Jordan Peterson and Motherhood #2: Mothers as Composers of Potential

Mothers Reject Moral Relativism

In today’s society designating anything as “ideal” is politically incorrect. Instead, we must think of all families, ideas, civilizations, cultures, and religions as different but equal. Moral realitvism is the expectation in our postmodern world. There is “his truth” or “her truth” but never “the truth”. Because there is no ultimate truth, it follows there cannot be a superior way to live. Whatever brings you happiness is “your truth” so go for it, right?

But mother’s aren’t buying it. No one could honestly parent-out this “no right and wrong” philosophy- we know teenage daughters shouldn’t get pregnant and sons shouldn’t waste their youth on video games. In the trenches of child-rearing we see when our child is not reaching his potential. Jordan Peterson points out that even the phrase “living up to your potential” is dependent on there being a moral ideal – if there is no ideal-self then we have no potential to waste. He criticized the current moral-relativist standpoint on a recent episode of Joe Rogan, “The whole moral relativism issue for me is a non-starter, it’s just wrong. There are lots of ways of interpreting the world but there aren’t a lot of ways of interpreting it optimally, and you can feel when you doing that, it makes you stronger.”

As parents we need to help our kids recognize the better and often more difficult path which follows transcendent morality, rather than the winding paths of relativism. Adapting our morality to the temptations or requirements of the moment may bring temporary happiness, but often leads to a shallow nature and inability to cope with hardship. As Winston Churchill related, “Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.”

“We should challenge the relativism that tells us there is no right or wrong, when every instinct of our mind knows it is not so, and is a mere excuse to allow us to indulge in what we believe we can get away with. A world without values quickly becomes a world without value.

Jonathan Sacks

What is the Ideal?

What is the moral ideal we need to align to? Jordan Peterson classifies Christ as being the “archetypal” ideal. He says “Christ by definition is the best a man can be” and that most myths and stories are based around the same “Logos” archetype. When we read our children bedtime stories of a hero defeating a dragon they are symbols of the same vision –ultimate good versus evil. These stories of good conquering evil will connect them with the hero and they will pattern their lives accordingly.

Having Christ as the ideal can leave us all feeling inadequate.  Jordan Peterson says, “every ideal is a judge”, and a harsh judge. Some people would rather not face their own inadequacies in the face of such judgement. Below is a short (4 minute) clip of JP speaking of the danger of simply accepting ourselves as we are, forgoing any attempt to purify ourselves. I found it to be very profound.  

I found his Judge/Redeemer concept very enlightening. The way I understand it is that guilt and and hope as two sides of the same coin. We feel guilt when we aren’t following our moral compass; on the flip side, we experience great hope in our own progression towards redemption. Teaching our children the ideal will show the path to their potential.

Encourage the Longing for Greatness

“A child’s mind is not a container to be filled but rather a fire to be kindled.” –

Dorothea Brande

It’s tempting to teach our children they are enough just as they are – and I am not suggesting we focus on our children’s weaknesses over their strengths. Positive reinforcement is much more effective then negative. But I do agree with JBP that pushing the notion of unearned self-esteem is not actually an encouraging idea. Encouragement is found in accomplishment not patronizing attempts at validation. There is hope found in the quest for self-improvement, and the struggle towards a goal brings meaning.

My son 9-year-old son is passionate about basketball and wants to be another Steph Curry.  He is aware of the long hours of practice and commitment it will take to achieve that goal.  He doesn’t watch much TV and doesn’t play video games – he would rather optimize his time and practice basketball.  As JP said, “if you are going to conceptualize the good and move towards it then you have to separate yourself from all those things that aren’t good and leave them behind.” What I find interesting is that because my son is so focused on that goal I don’t even need to point out when he is slacking; a simple reminder of his ideal will cause him to self-regulate. For example, his soccer coach gave him a little pep talk about how successful athletes avoid sugar.  A few days later, at Thanksgiving, when we were eating pie I asked him why he wasn’t having any; he said it was because it makes him weak.  He was modifying his behavior and reorienting himself towards the ideal. 

My son’s confidence has grown immeasurably as he works towards his goals and increases in discipline. Children won’t be content with themselves “just as they are” if they realize they could be something more. I won’t be disappointed if my son never becomes a basketball player, his quest for the goal will have a been its own reward. As children pick admirable heroes that suit their temperament and desires, their emulation of those heroes will progress them towards the more ultimate ideal – becoming like Christ.

The Power of Mothers Teaching Morality

“Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker.”

C.S. Lewis

As mothers, we are in a position to immerse our children in moral truth and guide them as they strive towards their ultimate potential; this is where the power of motherhood culminates. With a clear sense of right and wrong, they can navigate the chaos of the world. As we tell our children scripture stories, point out positive examples, and live authentic lives, our children will notice the patterns. They will find strength in the alignment towards good. This moral compass will never leave them. They may wander from the path, but that sense of purpose and truth will be as a “Judge and a Redeemer” calling them back. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

-Ally

**If you want more JP – below is a great clip of him explaining the necessity of an ideal as well as giving some great practical advice.